What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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