the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
