In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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