why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
