The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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