If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
