I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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