yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
