our cab driver is having phone sex.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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