In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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