We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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