She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He better not be in your backpack
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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