Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
