Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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