Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
