i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
