somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
