now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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