Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Someone shattered a urinal.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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