seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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