I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
