drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
