So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
