her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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