I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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