I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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