we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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