my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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