Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Randomize
