i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
