my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
