four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
