I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
