Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
