My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
