Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
