Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
