Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
