Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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