I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
