Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
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