what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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