Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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