I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Pooping to opera.
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