just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
