the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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