And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
