The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
