Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
