I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
